Attaining by misgivings

Looking back at all the hours i spent on this person makes me a bit remorseful. You know,this always brings in me a mixture of emotions, sometimes guilt and sometimes anger. Love is an incredible feeling but it becomes a curse when you end up in the wrong hands. For the longest time you will wonder what you should do to make this person love you,how you should behave to make them notice you but they’ll never recognize your efforts. This kind of feeling makes you aware of what you actually don’t need. We spend so much time trying to be someone’s favorite hello and hardest goodbye but meanwhile we never understand that when the right people are with us,every moment has weight.

Loving the wrong person hurts but it actually teaches you how you need to be treated. I understand that we all are battling with heavy unrequited feelings but trust me,when someone you love can’t actually understand the depth of your wounds,you’ll eventually begin to distance yourself. Because how eloquent and clear you are,they’ll never understand the depth of your words. Loving the person will actually make you aware what you deserve because you’ll never wanted to be treated like you don’t matter. Sometimes its hard but with every realization,we just understand ourselves better.

One of the worst things that can happen to you when you are with someone is you losing yourself. You spend weeks,months or even years trying to catch this person’s eye forgetting that love is only real when this person loves you for who you are. It sad how much we can love someone and they can still pick our flaws instead of celebrating our victories. The best thing you can love from loving a wrong person is self love,choosing yourself despite the hollowness in your heart. When you walk away you learn that you are strong ,you’re capable of voicing out your thoughts, you’re capable of being yourself unapologetically.

Women

I like women who haven’t lived with too many men.
I don’t expect virginity but I simply prefer women
who haven’t been rubbed raw by experience.
There is a quality about women who choose
men sparingly
it appears in their walk
in their eyes
in their laughter and in their
gentle hearts.
Women who have had too many men
seem to choose the next one
out of revenge rather than with
feeling.
When you play the field selfishly everything
works against you:
one can’t insist on love or
demand affection.
You’re finally left with whatever
you have been willing to give
which often is:
nothing.
some women are delicate things
and some women are delicious and wondrous

if you want to piss on the sun
go ahead
but please leave them
alone

Bluebird

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going
to let anybody see
you.
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he’s
in there.
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody’s asleep.
I say, I know that you’re there,
so don’t be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he’s singing a little
in there, I haven’t quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it’s nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don’t
weep, do
you?

-Charles Bukowski

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